By: Joyce Schweyer
Our family kept asking, what’s with dad? He shuffles his feet, walks very slow and bent over . . . what’s going on? This was my wake-up call to face the fact that in the last 6 months or more, changes were happening with Doug. I thought: It’s time to see our family doctor – maybe it’s the medication he’s on.
At his doctor’s appointment, Doug went through a series of tests. He tried his best but couldn’t fool the doctor and she arranged for an appointment with a geriatrician. We went, like lambs to the slaughter, after all it’s nothing serious that can’t be fixed.
We were separated right from the start: Doug with the doctor, and me with her assistant. Boy, could she ask questions! I couldn’t figure out why she was asking me all these questions, it was Doug that had the appointment. Very personal, I felt very disloyal to my husband (I figured it out later). Then we switched and the doctor gave me the results of her assessment: ALZHEIMER’S.
Okay. Now, my usual reaction to hard news is to go very quiet until I’m able to take it in! Ha-ha- no time. All four of us got back together to give the diagnosis to my wonderful, smart husband. When he heard the verdict, the look in his eyes for a few seconds was fear and ‘help me’. I felt so helpless. Then, the other hard knock came. By law, the doctor had to immediately report to the motor vehicle department that he no longer had a licence to drive. With this news, the look in Doug’s eyes was one of relief. He knew it was time, there had been too many close calls in the past months. So, I was now the only reluctant driver.
As we walked out of his appointment, we were in a daze. We held hands and promised each other that we are in this together and for the long hull. I drove out of the parking building, for the first time, and have been driving us around ever since.
Adjusting to living with Alzheimer’s
Our family is there for us. The Alzheimer’s Society is the best and has given us much-needed help. We were able to take a Beginner’s Course about living with dementia (First Steps), which is just what we needed. We called the LHIN who sent an Occupational Therapist to assess what we needed to help in the house. I have a love-hate relationship with the toilet handlebars. We are to call when we need more help. I even found out that Doug can keep his opinions and mouth shut when I do something stupid while driving!
It’s taken us some time to really come to terms with how our life has changed. After working in nursing homes for many years, I know that arguing with somebody who has dementia will not help. That’s hard, so I tell Doug I can’t argue with you, and that works for now. I pray to God that he is with us, to guide me to be patient. Doug tries so hard to keep active and help me around the house, he loves to vacuum with our Dyson vac. I only have great respect and love for him- my husband for nearly 60 years. He can’t remember what I told him two minutes ago, but I bet he could get up and preach a sermon for 15 minutes!
About the Author: For nearly 60 years, Joyce Schweyer has been the wife, friend, companion, and now care partner to Doug Schweyer. Joyce calls her role as a pastor’s wife “the best job I have ever had, with many ups and downs, pastor Doug and I have always worked together, and so it will always be.”